is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
