When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
