You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
You should frame my arrest warrant.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
