I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Bring me that man meat
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
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