i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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