I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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