Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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