What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
