ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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