What did we do last night that was yellow?
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
