I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
