My sheets look like a crime scene.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
