So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
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