I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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