i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
