When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
