Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
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I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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