im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
