blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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