Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
