If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
