it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
We have so much sex to catch up on
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
