I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
did i just pee glitter
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
