Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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