I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Randomize
