great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
