I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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