We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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