$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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