it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
No, drunk sperm still make babies.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
