do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
