Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize
