I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
