So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
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