Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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