i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
