At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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