I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
