I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
