Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Midget sex pt 2 tonight
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
