Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
