Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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