But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
