Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
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