i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
