Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
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