Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
She even gives head with a lisp.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
