You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
don't judge my taste in strippers
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Randomize
