i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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