i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
