apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
