I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
I am midnight drunk by noon
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
