Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
