standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Randomize
