I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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