Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
