I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
