Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Randomize
