Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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