Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
