oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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