It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Ladies don't puke and tell
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
