hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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