Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Help. Why am I so naked?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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