So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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