Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I miss vodka workout Fridays
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
