Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
