this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
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u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
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How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now