thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.