I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
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His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
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At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???