he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
