How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??