You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
