i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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