I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
