We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
