hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
