can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Randomize
