Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
