i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Randomize
