Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Randomize
