i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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