My liver just broke up with me...
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
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