Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
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Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
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Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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